Sunday, February 7, 2016

Are you in a cult? Answer these questions to find out.

  1. Do you have pictures of your past and current church leaders hanging on your walls at home and/or in your places of worship?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  2. Are you allowed to question or criticize your church leaders without repercussions?  (Yes = 0 / No = +1)
  3. Does your church throw big birthday celebrations or parades for current or past leaders?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  4. Do you sing hymns of praise to current and past church leaders?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  5. Do you believe that your church's founder was the most important human being to ever live, other than Jesus?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  6. Was your church's founder regularly in trouble with the law, both before and during his tenure as the first leader of your church?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  7. Did your church's founder amass a fair amount of wealth and property as a result of him being leader of the church?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  8. Did your church's founder end up marrying dozens of women (some as young as 14), including the wives of some of his male followers?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  9. Did your church's founder have sexual relations with the numerous women he "married"?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  10. How big of a deal is it when one of your top church leaders speaks in a local congregation?  (A big freaking deal...standing room only = +1 / No biggie = 0)
  11. Do your current church leaders make money by writing books and selling them to members through the church-owned book publisher?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  12. Do you know how much your current church leaders get paid for their church-related services?  (I have no idea and I don't care = +1 / Yes, everything is fully transparent and disclosed = 0)
  13. Do you hang on every word that comes out of your church leaders' mouths?  (Yes, it's as if God is speaking = +1 / No, they're just people like me = 0)
  14. Do you consider it a very memorable and noteworthy life event when you personally shake the hand of one of the top leaders of your church?  (Yes, that shit is going on Instagram right now = +1 / No, sounds like a good way to get sick = 0)
  15. Will you attend special meetings outside of regular church meetings to listen to broadcasts of your church leaders giving speeches?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  16. Are you counseled to follow the advice of your leaders, even if it is wrong? (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  17. If the leader of your church told you that it was the will of God that you do something that you felt was fundamentally wrong, would you do it anyway?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  18. Does your church commemorate the birthday of your church's founder each year? (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  19. Do you participate in secret religious rituals involving repetition, chanting, strange clothing, and pantomimes, all of which you're not allowed to disclose to anyone?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  20. Do you have a body of "esoteric" teachings that members are not exposed to until they have committed substantial time and resources to the church?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  21. Are your local leaders expected, if not required, to emulate your top church leaders in grooming and attire?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  22. Do your local leaders regularly sit down privately with minors and ask them questions about their sexual practices?  Without their parents present?  (Yes = +2 / No = 0)
  23. Does your church regulate the type of underwear you must use?  Does your church happen to be the only place that sells this underwear?  (Yes = +2 / No = 0)
  24. How much of your money must you pay to your church in order to enter its most sacred sites?  (More than 1% of your income = +1 / Nothing = 0)
  25. Does your church whitewash its history?  (Yes = +1 / No = -1)
  26. Do you have any detailed information on what your church does with the money it receives from you and other members? (None = +2 / Some = +1 / A good amount = 0 / Full transparency = -1)
  27. Does your church conduct informal elections where you are expected to vote for and sustain the current leaders?  Are sustaining and opposing votes ever counted?  (Yes-No = +1 / Yes-Yes = 0)
  28. Is critical thinking discouraged in your church?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  29. Are you allowed to openly dissent at church and voice opinions/views that call into question the doctrines of the church?  (No = +1 / Yes = 0)
  30. Does your church keep detailed files and records of all of its members?  Does it actively assign elderly, retired members to try and track down other members who have moved or fallen out of contact?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)
  31. Do you have regular church meetings where members stand up and reaffirm to each other the validity and truthfulness of the church?  (Yes = +1 / No = 0)

Scoring:

34-25: Definitely a cult
24-15: Kind of a cult
14-0:   Probably just a regular church


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