April 6, 2012 11:15 p.m.
I recently disclosed to both of my non-believing siblings (both are sisters) my current state of belief (or lack thereof). They were both overjoyed at this news. Neither of them have believed in the church for several years now, so they were happy to have the older brother on their side. We somewhat jokingly speculated on strategies to “free” the rest of our siblings. I don’t know if it will happen. One sister seems pretty entrenched; she’s even a temple worker from what I hear. Another sister is terrified of her boys becoming corrupted, so I doubt she’s going anywhere. And my brother...well...he might just need the community, or he’d have no social circle whatsoever. Maybe sometime in the future when their circumstances have changed. No need to precipitate a crisis of faith for anyone.
Today I found out that a friend of mine, an old coworker at UPS, also no longer believes. Apparently he and his wife found out a lot of the negative things about Joseph Smith and that did it for them. That’s really all it takes. I think if all church members became aware of the really deplorable things he did, most would disaffect. It’s a religious faith maintained by ignorance. But then, what religious faith isn’t?
In contrast, the other day I had a talk with a girl I dated about a year and a half ago. She is LDS, but almost completely inactive. In the course of our conversation, I let slip that I no longer believed in the church. That didn’t go over well at all. She blasted me for lacking faith and taking the “easy way out.” I tried to share some of the issues that caused me to lose my belief, but she basically dismissed them as lies or otherwise rationalized them. It’s interesting how even inactive members will cling to a belief system about which they know so little. She is tragically ignorant of her own faith, but doesn’t realize it.
It’s interesting. Back during my faithful believing days, particularly on my mission, I would get these flashes of gospel “insights,” which I would record in a journal. These, I thought, were personal revelations from the Holy Ghost. Now that I’m an infidel, I still get these flashes of insight, but as to subjects that are either unrelated, or run contrary, to the doctrines and teachings of the church. This tells me that it wasn’t the spirit at all, but just my own mind. My own mind comes up with “insights” that are compatible with my current belief system and thought processes.
Today I became very curious to know how many more of my friends might be closeted apostates. Maybe someday I’ll do a thing on facebook and ask all of my mormon friends who no longer believe to message me privately, just so I can get a sense of the numbers. I know they’re out there.
An update as to my own beliefs: I no longer put much stock in Christianity. I read a book or two on how the original NT gospels came into existence, and the significance of the discrepancies between them, and the house of cards crumbles even further. Beyond that, though, is mainstream Christianity’s views on those who are never given the chance to “accept” Jesus. If such are automatically consigned to hell (or punished in any measure), then Christianity fails on that ground alone. I’ve settled into agnosticism. Hopeful agnosticism, perhaps. I hope there is some kind of afterlife or continuation of existence after death, but I personally have no evidence for it, and thus cannot claim any knowledge on the subject.
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